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Out of the fog...into the fire

These past couple years really do feel foggy in some ways. I think I've allowed myself to be swallowed up by life...especially school. I've been very convicted lately of a couple things. Praise God for revealing our sin! The first is that I have been sacrificing relationships with my God, my family, and many friends to the idol of education. I've poured much of myself into my college career...and I'm reaping what I've sown. Sure, my grades are pretty awesome and I have a good reputation in my department. Big deal. I'm also dealing with nasty physical effects of stress, I've estranged very dear people, and fostered a terrible tendency of distrusting my creators ability to protect me. So here I am, 3ish months from graduating...chronic back pain, headaches, insomnia, and a big black portfolio don't even come close to being worth it. Praise God for His faithfulness - and that he has placed so many in my life who demonstrate that faithfulness. I have much to learn from them. Praise God for His power to reconcile us to Himself and to each other. By God's grace, I will never again reap such a painful and unsatisfactory harvest.

I've also been convicted of my anxious heart. To choose anxiety over trusting my God to keep me in peace...is downright stupid and sinful. The extent of my sin in this area has not been clear to me until now. Praise God for removing the fog from my eyes. Let the refining begin. Praise Him. He is good.


God is bigger.

p.s. Praise God for Phil, I am so thankful for my husband.

Meanwhile...

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song I will praise Him." Psalm 28:7

The wind has been rushing around frantically all day. The phonebook that got dropped outside our front door was making the best windblown sounds you can imagine - so I left it there. I wish I could make sounds like that...or maybe I just want to crawl into the middle of that sound. Kind of like standing in a storm with the wind driving against you...swirling around your ear drums. It's not chaotic though. It's all in order. I'm glad that I serve a God of order. I'm glad he makes sounds like this. The "be still and know that I am God" sounds.



Drop Thy still dews of quietness,
Till all our strivings cease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.

mmmmm monday :)

And we sing 'cause You are bigger
Than any reference we could make
And we dance until we're tired
'Cause we know Your name is great

On our journey give us Grace
As we follow lines Your hand will trace
You have called us to a crown
But for a time, to taste the ground
Give us edge by ones You love
Shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves
Songs will always find their endings
But Your story never dies, that's why

we sing 'cause You are bigger
Than any reference we could make
And we dance until we're tired
'Cause we know Your name is great

Wow...

don't you love those days when you're made to realise just how human you are?

Please, pray for the Brunner family

God is good

God is faithful

God is merciful

God is bigger

Econ is trying to eat my soul...

guess it's a good thing I already belong to God then, eh?

*number savvy boyfriend = Godsend (that's not the only reason he's a Godsend btw)

*evening with the Brunner family = priceless :)

*risotto with eggplant, portabello 'shrooms, and pesto: created and feasted upon with Em = crazy tasty and one of my abiding memories from the weekend. 'Twas glorious....

that... and chopping all her hair off while watching Emperors New Groove

*asterisk (*) (Latin asteriscum "little star", from Greek ἀστερίσκος)

thanks wikipedia

I really identify with this guy...

....dude, whoever you are, I feel ya

*hokay, so

*two page ( I know, short - right?) report on American Apparel and corporate responsibility = about to be written

(no big deal, but it still kinda makes me want to slap a Mr. yuck sticker on my forehead)

*God is bigger

*that is all

On the behalf of dear friends...

Dear God, I know you know best...but must there be more?

So I'm not sure why it always flows downhill
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled
I've spent ten years singing gravity away
But the water keeps on falling from the sky

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;

the darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide.

When other helpers fail and comforts flee,

Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be" C.S. Lewis

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;

earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away;

change and decay in all around I see;

O thou who changest not, abide with me.

"Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear."

Isaiah 65:24

And heaven knows, heaven knows

I tried to find a cure for the pain

Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do

It would be a lie to run away

I need thy presence every passing hour.

What but thy grace can foil the tempter's power?

Who, like thyself, my guide and stay can be?

Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But let those rejoice who put their trust in You; Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; Let those also who love Your name Be joyful in You. For You, O Lord, will bless the righteous; With favor You will surround him as with a shield.

“The Lord bless you and keep you;

The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;

The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”’

Amen

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHOOP!

There are five gorgeous A's dancing before my eyes.....

yes, I place too much self worth in my grades...I'm obsessive...and I know they (whoever they are) say that recognising the problem is the first step to recovery, but I've been dawdling around in that first step for a very long time...oh, mercy.

Here, look at a happy picture :)

God is good

That is all

Monday...nope...Tuesday

Lucy leant her head on the edge of the fighting-top and whispered, "Aslan, Aslan, if ever you loved us at all, send us help now." The darkness did not grow any less, but she began to feel a little - a very little - better...

An albatross...circled three times round the mast and then perched for an instant on the crest of the gilded dragon at the prow... But no one except Lucy knew that as it circled the mast it had whispered to her, "Courage, dear heart," and the voice, she felt sure, was Aslan's.

from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, by C. S. Lewis

Dear ____,

I may have done something really stupid.

Not completely sure...but I certainly feel overwhelmed.

Did I speak too soon?

Well, it's done. So, I guess that's a pointless question.

Stop trusting in man,

who has but a breath in his nostrils.

Of what account is he?

Isaiah 2:22

Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5&6

I imagine this is what it might feel like to be swept out to sea.

Dramatic?

Yes.

Honest?

...let's hope so.

Still, the lack of homework is fantastic.

And God is bigger :)

On the brain...

We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. For if the message spoken by angels was binding, and every violation and disobedience received its just punishment, how shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him. God also testified to it by signs, wonders and various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will.

{to love at all is to be vulnerable. love anything,

and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly

broken. if you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. the only place apart from heaven that you can be safe from the dangers of love is hell.} c.s. lewis

So, yesterday was a bad hair day...until I realised that my mop was reminiscent of do's I've seen on the beautiful and illustrious Helena Bonham Carter. After that, the hair became amusing, full of character, and even a bit attractive in my eyes. After all, there are sadder things in life than channeling a genius.

Hannah, you will help me re-enact this photograph, wont you?

Thanks, I look forward to it.

Listening to Sister Winter by Sufjan over and over and over and over and over and over and

over and over and overand overand overand overand overand overand overand overand over and overand overand overand overand overand overand overand overand overand over

So, you see the guy with me in the picture?...

:)

yup

God is good

that is all

Well, Lord....

from where I'm standing things sure look blah, blah, whine, complain, stink, boo-hoo..

Well then, why don't you try standing over here with me.

...

.........

...Oh...okay.

Thanks for still wanting me.

God is bigger

Romans 7:18-25

Do you ever wonder if He gets tired of all of this?

I certainly do...

...get tired of it, I mean.

God is bigger

Dear God,

Thank you for the peace.

Amen

Break....

"Tribulations cannot cease until God either sees us remade or sees that our remaking is now hopeless." C.S. Lewis - The Problem of Pain

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

"[Pain] removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of a rebel soul." C.S. Lewis - The Problem of Pain

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." C.S. Lewis -The Problem of Pain

Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.

"God will look to every soul like its first love because He is its first love." C.S. Lewis -The Problem of Pain

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on When we shall be forever with the Lord, When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored. Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past, All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

...that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever...psalm 30:12

God is bigger

Considering this...

"...Yes, we often stop this torrent by the little value we set upon it. But let us stop it no more; let us enter into ourselves and break down the bank which hinders it. Let us make way for grace; let us redeem the lost time, for perhaps we have but little left..." - Brother Lawrence (The Practice of the Presence of God)

Confessing this...

"...the seriousness with which the other party takes my words always raises the doubt whether I have taken them seriously enough myself..." - C.S. Lewis (A Severe Mercy)

Confident of this...

...that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus...Philippians 1

God is bigger

No apologies...

and no excuses.

Yes, I realise it's been a while and

no, I don't even have the decency to write something original.

The world is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man's smudge and shares man's smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.
And for all this, nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward springs--
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

"God's Grandeur" - Gerard Manley Hopkins

God is bigger

that is all

I got nothin'...

...maybe that's been the point all along.

                  God is unchanging

                         He is a God of peace and order

                                                              

                          God is faithful  and in all ways good

God is bigger